I thought I was over my “trauma” until I got into a healthy relationship.

One of the most interesting things about life is that it will always surprise you. You can be certain of one thing in life and that’s that life is going to surprise you.

I recently learned that trauma is not what happened to you. It’s how your body responded to what happened to you. And honestly, I think that’s what makes life and people so interesting. Anyone can have trauma. It doesn’t matter what story is attached to it or whether someone observing from the outside thinks it was “bad enough.” Something that might seem small to someone else could have completely shifted the way your body learned to move through the world.

When I entered a healthy relationship, I genuinely thought everything I had healed would never come up again. I thought if something was healthy, then fear wouldn’t exist there. That wasn’t true. And I’ve been lucky enough to find someone who has helped me through that. Someone who can see the stories attached to my trauma while also seeing the person actively working on it.

At some point I started asking myself: when do we stop healing?And honestly, I don’t know if we ever fully do. But what I do know is that it gets easier to recognize what’s happening. Easier to manage. Easier to help your body feel safe again so you can actually hold the things you say you want and deserve in your life. I think people don’t talk enough about this part.

Yes, life should feel good. You should feel joy and love and peace and connection. But just because something requires work or brings up discomfort doesn’t automatically mean it’s the wrong path.

I also think certain language online can become really dangerous for people who already struggle with anxiety, fear, hyper vigilance, or what I’ve called before “spiritual anxiety.”

You’ll hear things like:

“If it’s meant for you, it will feel peaceful.”

Or:

“The universe won’t let you settle for something not meant for you.”

And while I understand the intention behind those ideas, I think they can become confusing when your nervous system has been shaped by fear. Because sometimes healthy love doesn’t feel instantly peaceful when your body is still learning safety. Sometimes your body interprets unfamiliar stability as danger simply because chaos was familiar. And that doesn’t automatically mean you should run. Everyone online talks about healing like it’s all happiness, certainty, love and light, smiling all the time.But uncomfortable emotions are still part of being human.

Not every uncomfortable feeling is a warning sign.

Sometimes it’s information.

Sometimes it’s data.

What I’m hoping for in this next round of Be Your Own Guru is deeper support for myself in those moments. To be kinder to myself when the scary thoughts show up. To question the stories I tell about myself. About being seen. About showing up online. About growing into a version of Brittany that maybe people haven’t fully seen yet. And to accept that other people’s opinions about that version of me are ultimately none of my business.

The funny, sarcastic, smart-ass version of me is real. That’s me too.

But there’s more here.

And I think I’m finally ready to let people see it.